Last two months have been nothing but one emotional rollercoaster. I have always tried my best to be nothing but good to people. I have often found myself looking for reasons to talk to people in order to know if everything is fine with them or whether they need anyone or anything. I have always yearned for questions and exclamation marks in my relationships but I really don’t know how I feel about full stops, dot, point, period or whatever you guys call it. I kind of feel helpless and in a way vulnerable in letting people go, just like that. I mean, how is it so easy for someone to not care? Because I always fumble onto reasons to support their stand of leaving or letting go of something or someone or maybe me. I have understood that as you grow in numbers, years and in life it’s very hard to make new friends and extremely difficult to maintain old friendships. I try not to cling onto people because I wouldn’t approve of the same being done to me. I try not to say or do stuff that I wouldn’t want to be a victim or sufferer of. Now a days, all I do is go to washroom, spend a long time looking at myself in the mirror and imitate phrases like “If you knew I write about you, would you kiss me or just clap for me?” Then wash my face and go out.
Everybody just pretends to be normal. We all need people to fill up spaces, hours, nights and days that we have inside us and maybe that is the reason we are scared of letting go of them. Everybody is empty, you know. I really like saying “For you, a thousand times over” to people I love, admire but never got a reply back. And I understand that it’s not always going to be the case that you are going to mean something to someone what they mean to you. And I think it’s really sad when things don’t last that long. I can pass myself through the days and evenings and when there is light but nights really get me, I’m scared of it and I don’t know what it really is but I feel like something related to total desertion is catching sight of you, not because it’s worthless but maybe because it’s too reverent to be all over Hell’s half acre. Maybe because I haven’t been myself lately. I think, people just need time and I am going to give them just that. I’ll wait.