Life on 9th July, 2017

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It’s 3 in the morning and I am wide awake. I am laughing as I type this because I always start the posts about my life in the same manner, everytime and now I am begining to laugh at my mundaneness. I am awake because I didn’t sleep the day before yesterday as I was with my brother and we were discussing how fucked up our respective life are and how he can’t stand anymore of my grandma and her judgemental comments and so I slept through the whole freaking yesterday ad now, I can’t sleep. My college is off and I am home since 1st of June and I can’t wait to go back, I am literally done with home but I know how I am, I’ll miss it the moment I’ll step in Delhi. Why am I like this?

I am glad that I did something or the other that you all can call productive this vacation like I have started writing diary and I hope I will maintain that. I read a book about LGBTQ community and I think I am now more vocal and aware about how things are and what my stand is regarding the same. I used to read 5 to 6 books a month and now, all I can manage to complete is only one. I don’t know what is up with my reading habit but I know, I will get back to my reading obsession soon. I have also started sketching, drawing and doodling. I met a lot of people, made new friends and have grown very close to some. My friendship with Kanika and Kanwar has grown over the past few months and I think they are here to stay and if not, I will go to any length to keep them by my side forever. The reason why I like them is that I can talk about life with them which otherwise I feel uncomfortable and vulnarable talking about. I really don’t know what this friendship and our equation has to do with whatever I share with them but all I know is that they are people I can call mine and I think, that’s what really matters. All three of us have shared so much about each other that I can barely recall how we started talking and got so close. I am glad that they accept the way I am and don’t force their opinions down my throat. Before getting close to them I always had this preconceived notion that people are complex and they are going to come and go and that’s how it is but I never knew that some are really going to cling by your side and I think, that’s what surprises me about them because I am a really tough person to be friends with. I don’t have to be pretencious or deliberately have to have a point in order to make my presence felt, I can just sit and not talk and they’ll acknowledg me that way. I just hope that things go well with our respective life because that’s all we really have apart from people in it.

That’s me with Kanika (in the middle) and Kanwar. Summers of June, 2017.

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Why don’t you?

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I am finally home after 4 months, I guess. My mummy is pissing me off every now and then because all I do is sleep but it’s good to be home. Also, to utilise these two months, I have decided to contribute to my friend’s blog which accumulates write ups from many other people. So this way, I’ll be regular with this writing stuff. The following poem is my first write up to that blog, tell me what y’all think about the same. Thanks. 

Location :: Lighthouse beach, Kerala. That was my first time at a beach. I was happy.

Today, I won’t look for pictures which chronicle our love.

I won’t look for books piled up in sacks of our story.
Won’t look for places either, weening us sitting right next to each other,

Window seat of a train moving amidst the green, giving our talks about love and god knows what, a companion.

I won’t think of all our endless nights and the conversations we had under the greasy sheets of that motel with an entrance adjacent to the parking lot which made me cringe at the thought of it, every fucking time. Also, just so you know it still does. 

It amazes me how I am trying not to think of all the things that involve you but I end up doing the same. 

Again and again, year after year.

Why don’t you? 

Change 

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I started my blog around June of 2015 and since then I haven’t even touched anything related to its appreance let alone customizing. Now that my exams are over and I have so much time on myslef that I spend half of it in sleeping and rest by scrolling past memes, which reminds me that I’m finally changing my pg and my new pg is amazing and spacious and a little less annoying. I am just worried about the shifting process otherwise I’m okay with everything. Since it has been three years that I haven’t changed anything about my blog I thought, I should because change is inevitable and necessary. Plus, I am literally bored with the old theme.  This time, I opted for Dyad 2 as my theme. I really like this theme since it is pretty subtle and doesn’t disclose a lot about me which I think is going to provoke everyone to fondle upon the posts. I also spent a large span of time on focusing on detailing of my blog. Thinking of changing and deciding fonts, header image and various other settings is way more easy when you sit to actually do the same. I had real trouble in previewing the themes while trying different ones. I am at least glad that I am not wasting my time and utilising it pretty propely like humans. Please check out my blog and tell me in the comments, what you think about the new theme? 

See you around, xo.